The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
