I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
