hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
