How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
