No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
