your parents love me but you hate me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
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