It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The power of my boobs compel you
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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