I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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