My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
