You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Randomize
