You smell like stripper and shame
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
