We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
