A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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