He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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