Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
