3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just found puke in my bra..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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