just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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