It was confusing and full of hummus
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
