We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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