I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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