i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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