Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
