And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize