when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
