Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
