Sober January is a disaster.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
