I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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