He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
