AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize