if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
