her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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