Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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