Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
