I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
