He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
