I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize