When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
