The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
