So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
