so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
