dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
