at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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