I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
