Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
