This girl is more easily done than said...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize