Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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