And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
