you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
