Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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