hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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