if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Fuck appropriateness.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
