You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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