I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
