something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
