"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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