He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
