U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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