thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
