Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
