I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
the liver wants what the liver wants
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
