Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
