Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
