There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
