Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
