I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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