I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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