Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
