I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
