Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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