I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
