So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
