There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize