I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
