I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
