Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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