when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
