I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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