I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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