Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
organizing the empties. That sober.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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