Im at strip club and am horny
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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