YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
