We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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