I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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