You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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