the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
