It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
