Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
