he puts the penis in happiness.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
