She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
