And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
