His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
