i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He's a Shit stain on my heart
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
