My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
