i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
