I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
