Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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