...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
