After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
