My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The adults are the big ones right?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
