Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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