Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
