Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
