We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
