I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
