I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
home. puking in laundry basket.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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