my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
