I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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