47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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