When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
