I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
